I have a confession to make…

one of the things that really, really, REALLY scares me…

is the size of my underpants!

I’m sorry if that’s too much information for my more delicate readers out there… but it’s true. Each year they’ve become a litte bigger… and a little bigger again… until they started to frighten me…

So I decided to face my fear of the ever-increasing undies, and do something about it.

My main problem is inactivity, and I don’t think that I’m the only crafter out there who struggles with this problem. Quite frankly, I would much rather sit on my butt all afternoon and crochet, than go for a walk. Or if I was bored with crochet, I could always switch to knitting… or embroidery… or just surf the web for lots of creative ideas. It’s not like I don’t get any fresh air – if it’s a nice day, I’ll take my yarn outdoors to play.

Crafting is a very sedentary activity – and I do like to indulge in it whenever possible!

I certainly don’t plan to give up on my craft. That would be insane… and far too painful. But I do need to balance it with some more demanding physical activity.

So I joined a gym!

Which I thought would be really scary, but wasn’t…

The first one I checked out was perfect. Friendly and helpful staff. Clean, modern facilities. Fun atmosphere. Sensible, manageable workouts. Ongoing assessments and support.

And it is purple.

I know that seems like such a small thing compared to all those other points, but I decided to take it as a SIGN! The purple was perfect. It made me feel comfortable and at ease with the whole decision.

So today was my first workout. I overcame my reluctance to exercise in public, and I received a gold star on my name card! I love stars…

I’m so proud of myself for facing a fear, and dealing with it.

I know that lots of us are… and it’s a really handy way of keeping in touch when I am away from Blogland. Not that I’m addicted or anything… well, not much!

Anyway, my username over there is laughingpurple (the character limit didn’t allow for laughingpurplegoldfish) and if you click here it will take you to my profile. Add me as a friend, so that I can add you back… and stalk you!

I’m joking about the stalking part… but serious about the rest…

Anyway

The other day I was out shopping.

On the path outside the shops was a gorgeous little sparrow, but as I approached him he didn’t move away, which seemed kind of weird. I walked right past him, and still he didn’t move. In fact, I had to walk around him to avoid stepping on him… but still he seemed unperterbed. He looked well, wasn’t at all distressed… but just wouldn’t move…

I watched for a little while to see what would happen. Hoping he would fly away, or at the very least to get out of the way of the pedestrian traffic. Or maybe someone would stop and gently move him across to the garden bed…

Actually, I really wanted to move him myself… but I’m not really a toucher of animals. I know that sounds ridiculous, I mean I’m quite capable of patting a cat or a dog, but that’s as far as I go. If I had picked up that bird and he had struggled at all, I would have totally freaked out, screamed like a six year old girl and flung him away from me (probably onto the road, or into the shop window)

I know it sounds pathetic – I’m a thirty-eight year old grown woman, for Heaven’s sake! I’ve been through childbirth three times, and touched countless icky kid messes… Why couldn’t I help a harmless little bird?

I was still really annoyed with myself later that day, when I came across this fridge magnet…

Do one thing every day that scares you – Eleanor Roosevelt

I was so inspired by it, that I had to buy it and bring it home with me.

And it really got me thinking about the things that scare me. Silly little things. Irrational fears.

One thing for sure. Next time I will be the person who stops to help the bird.

What scares you?

I’m not much of a one for making New Year’s Resolutions. There never seemed to be much point. Traditionally they are all broken by the end of January anyway!

But I do have plans for this year… mostly regarding my craft.

#1. ‘finish what you start’

Anyone who knows me well will be rolling around on the floor in hysterics at this suggestion! I am notoriously bad when it comes to finishing anything… fabulous at starting projects, but not so good on the follow through! So let’s take it easy and just start with January. A time for finishing. I have 10 WIPs on my ravelry project page in various stages of completion. They will be finished by the end of this month. I will also reclaim yarn from four jumpers. Plus I have a pair of sock club socks to knit and a woolaholics lace swap item to make. Nothing new is cast on until ALL of those projects are completed!

#2. focus on reclaimed and recycled materials

Having learned to appreciate the art of reclaiming yarns… I love it! So it’s my focus from here on in to use them wherever possible.

#3. share my patterns with the world

Why not? I have certainly appreciated finding so many free online patterns, so it’s time to ‘pass it on’ and share some of my own. Knit and crochet.

So… that’s for starters! Time to get busy.

Reflection on the year that was.

A big year for me… in terms of self-development.

I finally reached the point of seeking professional help for my depression. Depression that has plagued me for my entire adult life, although I tried to deny its existence. It was easy to deny it a lot of the time, because I didn’t know any different. I knew that things weren’t quite right… but I thought that it was a character flaw in me, that I somehow needed to try harder. And after so many years of ‘trying’ and failing… it was such a relief to finally have a medical diagnosis! To realise that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain that no amount of ‘trying’ was going to fix, it didn’t matter how many self-help books I read about ‘dealing with anger’ or ‘how to be happy’… I needed professional help.

Anti-depressants have changed my world… they’ve changed the way I look at the world… I see possibilities and hope everywhere… I no longer feel like a ticking time bomb. It is taking some time to find a balance in terms of the right dosage, but I see potential and hope, and I feel love. In essence, I feel alive.